Harmony & Synergy

From My Life to Yours ~ Let's Build Some Bridges!

Shomer Negiah



Guarding your touch with members of the opposite sex – it’s one of the most controversial aspects of Judaism, and certainly one that is close to my heart.  Here are some thoughts on what one should do BEFORE taking it on.  There will be a follow-up video.


If you have worked with these ideas and are ready to take on Shomer Negiah, now you can take a look at the next video.  In it are strategies for avoiding awkward social situations, advice on telling people, and a passionate rant about not embarrassing others :)

What are your thoughts on shomer negiah?  Do you have any advice or experiences that you would like to share?


  1. Vicki

    Andrea, I am not Jewish but this concept I’ve been thinking about lately and I think that it is very pleasing to G-d for women to guard their touch, to only keep it within the family and even then perhaps not with every family member (male) as some do not have pure minds. Thank you for sharing this with us and giving me boldness to begin practicing this within my family and my church.

    • I am so glad that you are able to apply this idea to your own life and stay true to yourself. Kol hakavod!

  2. Melanie

    Thanks for that insight, Andrea! I was always wondering what is so “wrong” about a handshake / hug etc. I’m not yet Shomer Negiah, coz I think i appear so unfriendly if I suddenly stop hugging my friends.. I feel I give them a feeling of appreciation and friendship if I hug them. Any advice? (especially in regard of non-religious jewish friends ;-))
    With love, melanie

    • It sounds like for now, you should heed to the advice in this video – aka make touch MEANINGFUL. I am going to make a video soon with advice on what one should do when actually taking it on – in short, I found that telling people privately really helps and makes them feel loved and care for. DO not talk about it in larger groups or embarrass anyone by refusing a hug in public! Find the time to tell them a bit about why you’re doing it, that you are doing this for yourself and it doesn’t affect your relationship with them – you still care for them just as much, if not more! Most people will respect your wishes and be totally cool with it :)

  3. Love love love this video Andrea! The ideas are well communicated in a concise and sincere manner, kol hakavod!

  4. This is so well done and so informative. I love the coping mechanisms you have suggested for people and your genuine approach. People need to hear the real stuff! Having twins actually helps to combat this problem because I never have a hand free- I am usually wishing I had a third hand! By the way, you do look beautiful in black and I actually have the same headband;) Looks gorgeous on a tichel!

    • Thank you so much, Anna! You’re so right, having a baby (or two) really helps!

  5. Sabra

    I find your site so informative for those of us that are non-jewish! I do have a question though… Where DID you get your head-bling in the 2nd set of videos? I do cover occasionally depending on my daily devotions, and all of your videos are so helpful. The subject of “guarding your touch” is so intriguing. It is something to think about.

    Much Love, Sabra

    • Thank you so much! The headband in the second video is from Forever21 – I got it quite a while back and really wish that I had gotten one in another colour!

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