Harmony & Synergy

From My Life to Yours ~ Let's Build Some Bridges!

6. For the Love of Men

Ladies,
We have grown up in a generation where in order for girls to rule, boys must drool.
Where in order to be good enough, we must be better than.
Where in order for women to be the solution, men must be the problem.
Where putting down and bashing men is seen as empowering.

Ladies,
Has this behavior increased our self worth?
Is it really true that empowering ourselves has to come at the expense of putting “the other” down?
Think about it.
Take some time to deeply consider that maybe what we are told is actually doing the opposite of what we think.
Not only are we hurting men.
We are hurting ourselves.

Ladies,
We must realize,
Males are not our enemy.
(Yes, there will always be people that want to bring others down, males and females both included – these are not the people I am referring to.)
I am talking about our fathers, our brothers, husbands and sons.
The men who love us, and want nothing but the most amazing things for us.
These are the men that we pass on the street every day.
And loving them, not resenting them, is the answer.

Ladies
Separating ourselves in order to blame others is the root of all the evil that resides in this world.
And we have the power to end this.
We must realize that we are all on the same side.
Every single human being.
We all essentially want happiness, fulfillment and connection for each other and for ourselves.

Ladies,
It is not liberating to put others down.
We don’t have to point out weakness in order to feel strong.
This only makes us weaker.

Let us say it loud and clear:
Today and every day of our lives.
“I love my husband.
I love father, brothers, mentors and friends.
I love all men, and I know we are on the same side.
And I truly appreciate how much they love us.”
I want men to know, that believe it or not, this is why I dress modestly, avoid touching you, and do my best to separate myself from anything to do with you and the woman that you love.
It is because I truly value you, and want you to be everything that you hope to be.

Ladies,
Let’s remember that the first human being was created as both woman and man.
And we were separated into different sexes so we can choose to be closer.
That’s why, when we hurt men we are also hurting ourselves.
Because we are different parts of the same creation.

Ladies,
I know now that when I hurt my husband I am damaging myself.
And when I don’t care for myself, it hurts my soulmate
Remember, that your relationship with your husband IS your relationship with yourself.
More than anything, our children want to see a loving relationship between their parents, where we put our life partner before others.
This is what our generation is yearning for.  More than high powered jobs, and expensive schools.
Children need to see their parents choosing to love each other and learning to grow together each and every day.
Too often we put jobs, children, and helping others before our relationship with our husbands.
But when my relationship with my husband is rocky, these things crumble as well.
And when I put my husband before all of these other things, my life becomes more fulfilling, and everything else falls into place.

Ladies,
Every generation has its own unique chains.
Let’s break ours.
Let’s realize that putting others down is not a part of building ourselves up.
Let’s realize that giving does not equal being had.
Let’s realize that we are not alone, and liberation can only happen when we hold hands with our opposites.

We live in a world where separation is what we see.
Physical versus spiritual.
Man versus woman.
Light versus darkness.
Loving kindness versus discipline.
But we know that in truth, these “opposites” are one.
And our job in this world is to bring them together.
We must do our part to build bridges, and make synergy happen.

So ladies,
It’s time.
Let’s realize that loving men does not come at the expense of loving ourselves.
Let’s realize that when one sex “wins”, both lose.
Let’s take moment, today and every day, to appreciate the incredible men in our lives.

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9 Comments

  1. Marina

    Thank you for this article, my dear friend. Made me think :)

  2. Rachel Hershberg

    Very nice, Andrea. The next step, of course, is to discuss gender differences (obviously, given that every one is an individual) and how to be sensitive to those in our relationships, use them to support and complement each other.

    • Thank you so much, Rebbetzin :) So important… and I definitely am gaining the knowledge, but not yet the words to bring it down. I think I’ll need to wait until at least a few years of marriage before I attempt to tackle that one!

  3. Joanna

    I have had the opportunity to discuss this very subject several times recently, it is a continuing area of instruction with my own children as well. You have expressed my same sentiments very succinctly, and eloquently. I wholeheartedly concur. Rachel’s observation is extremely improtant to the matter as well. Shalom Aleichem.

    • Joanna, I am so glad to hear that you are discussing it with your children!

  4. Vicki

    Andrea, what you have said is filled with truth and wisdom. Thank you for sharing with us. I am in complete agreement with you. Baruch Hashem.

    Vicki

  5. AK

    Hi,

    My sis posted your blog to FB. While I find it interesting, I must disagree with the basic premise of your argument. I found that when I was first married, it was expected of me to cook, clean, raise the baby, take her to her appts, etc. My husband “worked” and since I didn’t “work” he needed the break when he came home from work. He needed to go and play video games for hours. A call of “Dinner is ready” would receive the response of, “can’t you bring it down here?” A request that he change a diaper or watch our daughter or put her to bed, so I could go to aerobics, or see a friend, or read a book…I just learned it was better to do it myself. I became very depressed. Then one day, I started putting me first. I told him how it was going to be, how we were going to split the chores, and most empowering for me, I went back to the job I loved–part time–which I had given up, because it was decided that it was important for me to be a SAHM. I love life now, I love my husband, I love my children–we all spend time together, and separate as needed. Of course there are arguments, and disagreements, but they are resolved with love, compassion, and equality, because I am important.

    AK

    • Dear AK,
      I’m sorry that this piece made you think that I was encouraging women to remain unfulfilled while sacrificing themselves to men. I just reread it and am wondering what section caused you to think this? I’m very glad that you chose to take care of yourself and fill your life with the things that you enjoy… and I’m even happier to hear that it has not only benefitted you, but your marriage and family as well! This is exactly what I was trying to convey here… that it is all cyclical. When we don’t take care of ourselves, our marriages fail, but also when we ONLY take care of ourselves, our marriages also fail.
      I don’t know if you have any religious background, but you might be interested to know that Judaism is not against divorce like some other religions. If a marriage is killing someone’s soul and not allowing him/her to thrive in this world, then divorce is actually permitted (and encouraged, if it is unresolveable). No woman is expected to sacrifice “everything” for her husband. Au contraire, a marriage should enable both woman and man to do MORE of what they hope to do in this world. All of these things should be discussed BEFORE marriage. If a woman wants to do all the cooking/cleaning/household stuff (because that is what fulfills her), then she should marry a man who will stay out of the kitchen when she asks. If she wants to split the household chores and work outside the home, she should discuss this and marry a man who also wants the same. And if she wants to work full time and have her husband at home, then she should marry a man that wants to stay home, cook and take care of the kids (you would be surprised as to how often this happens!) But as I said before, Judaism encourages both men and women to grow and learn these things about themselves BEFORE dating and considering marriage. This often helps alleviate misled expectations, because a couple will discuss a lot of this stuff (usually within the first few dates!) and can figure out if they are suitable for spending the rest of their lives together.
      Please let me know if you have any other questions that I can help clear up. Also, what is a SAHM? Stay at home mom??
      Kol tuv (all the best things in the world), Andrea

  6. As a Jewish man I have to say that I believe in the God of Israel and the Five Books of Moses and the Laws of Moses. Having said that, actually it is many male leaders that like to put down men in the middle and lower ends and play to women that have envy and jealousy in their heart towards men and don’t even see how silly it is to support a man that rather then do something good for society is only putting down other men.

    Organized Judaism today that is what male Rabbi do with very few exceptions and that is to make women feel superior to men.

    Sadly it denies the nature of God’s revelation to the Israelites which Jew means the tribe of Judah which most are from today.

    When God revealed himself Moses spoke for God since the people were afraid but all the men were there at Mount Sinai and witnesses to this event. It wasn’t one man claiming God spoke to him with no witnesses. Mount Sinai was not for children since God said that anyone who touched the mountain would die and it seems in this revelation where God gave the 10 commandments God was specifically addressing men and it was the mans’ responsibility to share with his wife what God had said.

    Today though women go to RABBIS to tell them everything which again is suggesting that God spoke to the Rabbis and her husband is not descended from a man who was there. In the end in organized Judaism today the man’s role is just to make money for his wife although how he makes his money doesn’t matter but the man serves no emotional purpose. This can’t create good balanced men so it creates this cycle of men bashing.

    But God did create a woman to be the helpmate of the man and if men are just infantile creatures then the women shouldn’t be the helpmate which requires the man to share to serve this role but should just boss him around all the time.

    I do notice at the end of the day women loving being the helpmate of some man as it is the nature God created them. ALthough sadly it is to promote the ideas of the Rabbis and not promote their husband and what he is about which is sad and leads to less checks and balances to just have a few male Rabbis and only their ideas being promoted which much of it is to put other men down and by repressing other men we can’t understand God and really do God’s will that God spoke to all Jewish men that were healthy and that they can understand God and not have a Rabbi who is mostly academic tell them everything.

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