Harmony & Synergy

From My Life to Yours ~ Let's Build Some Bridges!

What Do Other People Say?

This is one of the most popular questions that I get!  If you’re considering covering your hair in a visible way, here are some answers to the questions you might be asking yourself.  Take a look!

I should add that even though I have had some negative experiences, the reaction of the Jewish community has been overwhelmingly supportive.  I just wanted to say in the video that the only issues I’ve had so far have been with other Jews, and that we should be more sensitive towards how they feel.  However, I’ve also gotten the most support and encouragement from other Jews, and I really didn’t make that clear in the video… oops!  :)

What have your experiences been from covering your hair?  Tell us about other’s reactions, funny stories, inspiring comments, etc.!

14 Comments

  1. Love it Andrea! Just love it!

  2. Velma

    Hi, I have been wearing tichels for over a year now. My husband has decided to become more religious and my son is converting into an Orthodox community. I am not Jewish. When my husband and son asked me if I would cover when I attended community events, I had to think about it long and hard, but now not only do I wear them to events at the Kollel, I wear them every day. Work was the hardest. I told my immediate coworkers what I was doing and why. I didn’t want them to think I was ill or something. The Orthodox community where we live is quite small, and all of the women wear sheitels. I work in a large office so everyone has comments and some of them have not been kind, but I am happy with my choice as is my family. My religious house of worship asked questions, but for the most part have been accepting.
    The changes in my family since I have been wearing tichels are amazing. We are much more peaceful. Not that it was bad before, but my son is 15 and well, he acted like a teenager. Now it is better.
    I know that Judaism believes that a woman’s hair is her crowning glory. I have had horrible hair (thin, kinky and brittle) for many years. I can feel for the woman who had heard that you had a beautiful head of hair and covered it. I would have never been told I was beautiful for my hair, but I have been told many times that my tichels are beautiful. My very first compliments about anything on top of my head!!
    You are an inspiration, even to those of us who aren’t Jewish.

    • Dear Velma,
      Thank you so much for your words. I hope you know how incredibly lucky your son is to have a mother like you – someone who has been so supportive of his journey. I actually had the chance to share some of what you said with a friend today who is dealing with something similar, and it was very inspiring!
      I agree… tichels are so beautiful! It makes me so happy to hear that you wear scarves in a community that wears wigs. I do that too, and instead of making me feel insecure, it has made me love it even more! (I don’t think I would have ever felt the motivation to create this site had we stayed in Jerusalem.)
      It is people like you that keep me motivated to continue sharing – thank you so much for letting me know!
      Andrea

  3. I wanted to second the part where “what people think at work” is often not as big of a problem as we anticipate- it wasn’t for me, in my current job, where I work with people of all different faiths, as a provider of spiritual care. It can be a bonding experience with women of different faiths and backgrounds who share this lovely practice. And the criticisms that I have received have been remarkably gentle, and the comment that “actually, I find it really meaningful” has created a change in their reactions…

    • You are so right. We often worry much too much! I have also found that telling people how much I love it has created a change in reactions (to the few that are negative, which is less than a handful!)

  4. Linda

    Shalom Andrea, I wanted to thank you for your inspiring videos…you have no idea how people get encouraged by what you say. I have been covering my hair since my husband and our boys were in Israel last April. I was thinking whether I should cover my hair or not for a couple of years, and when we arrived in Yerushalayim I didn’t want to offend other people (we stayed in a neighborhood near Mea Shearim) and so, in order to feel free to connect to other people I started covering my hair.
    My husband asked me (without any pressure) if I wanted to continue to cover my hair when we got home, and I started to search for answers. I found your website as well as Rivka Malka’s website. I am so thankful that HaShem led me to you and gave me some real answers as wel as the very practical ‘how-to’s’…
    To me, personally, covering my hair has become part of who I am and it feels quite natural to do so. Sometimes, when I try to tie a tichel very nice and everything slips of my head (again!!) I get a little discouraged (just a little!!) and then I promise myself I’ll watch one of your video’s to get inspired again…My husband appreciates very much what I’m doing and thinks I’m very beautiful. The things you speak of in your video concerning reactions of other people are recognizable to me…most people think I look different but beautiful, people ask me how I do it etc. Even at work, I work at a hospital, my collegues accept it and are not offensive at all, except for my team leader. She’s not so happy with it and gives me certain ‘looks’ and does not understand at all any of the reasons why I cover my hair. December 19th I have a meeting scheduled with her about my work. At first I was real nervous about it but I learned to see that everything is in the hands of HaShem and I will see what questions she will ask and how I will respond.
    This reply has been a lot longer than I intended to…but what I really wanted to say is ‘thank you’ for your inspiring talks, texts and videos….blessings to you and your husband and your lovely new kitty ;-)
    love, Linda

    • Dear Linda,
      Your story is so amazing! It’s wonderful that your husband is so supportive and loving.
      In terms of slippage, have you tried one of those velvet headbands? It completely fixed all of my slipping problems.
      As for your leader… there is always going to be that one person that doesn’t get it. Don’t feel like you have to rationalize and explain to her. If she’s truly interested, she won’t make you feel defensive. Tell her that this is something you’ve chosen to do, that you love it, and ask that she please respect your choice. Could you send me a message a few days before December 19 so I can remember to be thinking of you on that day?
      All the best,
      Andrea

      • Linda

        Dear Andrea, thank you so much for your reply! Yes, I have a velvet headband and it works fine, although at the and of the day my head is starting to itch a little under the headband. If I loosen the headband a little it starts to slip and if I tighten it it gets itchy. Do you wear it only on your hair or does it also cover your forehead?
        As for you other advise, thank you so much…you helped me see it through different eyes and that helps a lot!
        Shalom,
        Linda

      • Hi Linda,
        I also find that when the headband is on my forehead, it gets a bit itchy. I wear it only on my hair to combat this (even if I put the tichel a little forward of it. Let me know if this helps!
        Andrea

  5. Mary

    Andrea, I have a scarf that looks just like the one you have posted at the very top of this article. It’s many strips sown together, about 10 different ones I think. Could you please give me some pointers and tips on how to tie this thing? It’s so amazingly beautiful and I want to wear it so bad, but it’s giving me a fit. I just started wearing my tichels to work a week ago this past Tuesday and at the end of the week I attempted that particular scarf. I’ve never felt so defeated by fabric in all my life! Looking back, i know it may only work out better with the volumizer (that’s still on back order :/) But you’d definitely be the one to know!

    Thanks ahead of time!
    Mary

    • Hi Mary!
      Yes, this one can be complicated… what material is yours made of? Mine seems to be some kind of middle eastern silk. Here is what I did in this picture – I tied a basic tie (all the ends tucked in to create a smooth line) using an Israeli tichel (anything cotton, thin and one colour should work!) Then I took the layered scarf, arranged it so all the folds were looking good, then simply tied it on top with a knot at the bottom. The one I have isn’t wide enough to cover my whole head, that’s why I have to wear the cotton underneath. You have to make sure the folds are lining up – make sure a flattering colour is by your face! Then I just let the end hang over my shoulder. Does this make sense? Let me know if it works for you!
      Love, Andrea

  6. Birdie

    Andrea, I have the same question Mary has. I had seen this scarf in a catalog my mom gets called “Signals”.They said it was made of Idian Saris. Anyway it’s lovely and I’ve had my eye on it for a while but wasn’t sure if it would cover well enough. I think this is the one you had on in the video where you’re playing the cello? I’d love to see a video of how you pull this off before I take the plunge. Thanks for being such a light : )

    • Hi Birdie,
      Thank you for letting me know! You should definitely get it… totally worth every penny and looks amazing! Mine does not cover completely but I wear a tichel underneath. I think there are quite a few pictures of me on here wearing it!
      Andrea

      • Hi again! I just took a second look at the specific one you mentioned and yes, it is exactly the same as the one I have. Let me know if you end up getting it!

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