As a somewhat public figure representing observant Judaism, you may wonder about my thoughts on the current war that is happening. Usually when I can’t find true insight or answers, I don’t write, and that is the case right now. However, I know that my silence may convey something that is not in keeping with what I hope to give, and that is the reason why I am sharing. I am truly scared to write and can only pray that my words help create some light in this dark time.
For those of you that know me, you’ll know that Israel is my home. It is my home in a way that defies proximity, politics, time, and space. I miss it every day and love the land from a deep place that even I don’t understand. Years ago I ran towards it like one would into a lover’s arms, and left everything that one could want in order to find what I truly needed. The land of Israel holds and protects me like mother would a child… and there is nothing like snuggling into Jerusalem’s warmth. At the same time, when my home is hurting, I hold her like I would a daughter, and we cry together, our pain as one.
How do I feel upon reading the news? Confusion. Fear. Isolation. Darkness. Pain. I was at a loss for words and still am, even though I continue to write. I also know that there is something else going on here. This is not about the IDF, Hamas, Bibi, or the odd fact that the most recent war in Israel also happened between the last US and Israeli election. This is not about media bias, politics, anti-semitism, defence, or who is in the wrong. This is not about left wing or right wing. All of these things are here to distract us from what is actually going on. Those of us who have experience the infinite will know that there the divine force is always at work and this is what is truly going on here.
This is not happening “because of them”. And it will not become right “because of them”.
This is happening because of me. Because of you. Because of all of us. But most importantly, this is happening FOR me. This is my responsibility, and it is happening in order to move me someplace. But where? And why?
I am not Gd, nor do I want to be. Therefore none of us will ever know the true answer to why. Maybe we will know some of the answers in hindsight, as we do with the slavery in Egypt, but now is not the time, and perhaps we will never know. But I can try to find the answer to the question, “where”?
Where do I need to go as a result of what is happening? What do I need to fix? What do I need to let go of? What is the infinite trying to tell me?
I can’t tell you your answer, only you can do that, but I can tell you mine. I need to let go of a petty problem that is hurting me and not allowing me to move forward and connect to others honestly. I need to pray, really pray, and start talking to the divine in the way that I know I’m capable of but am afraid to try. I need to realize how truly simple things are, and that it is only myself and my lack of love in certain areas of my life that makes this world seem complicated.
We all need to realize that this current event is happening in order to challenge us. Those of us who are Jewish need to remember that our reason for being here is tikkun olam, and our very existence defies statistics and logic. In order for there to be peace, we will need miracles… but this world is built upon miracles! We need to pray with every shred of our being. We need to realize that we are more than this. Every single soul in this beautiful creation is more than this.
I love you all very much. I am so sorry that this is happening, and I am praying for miracles, peace, reconnection and resolution. Please know that wherever you are, I am holding you through your tears and I know that you are holding me too.
May we have peace on this earth soon, and bravery to end this exile from our true selves. May those who are hurting be healed and may we learn how to love each other without the boundaries that seek to destroy that which we know to be true.